A Reversed Reality

Often times I forget about how things work in God's reality. In my forgetfulness, I wander off into thoughts like these:

I become more influential and useful by how many skills/much experience I have.
I receive what I deserve by how hard and how much I work.
I find solutions to situations by searching my mind and engaging it.

And somehow these things sound completely legitimate---but it's only a matter of time until--Thank God--I realize how hopeless life would be if these things were true.

The voice of Wisdom calls out to teach and remind me of what is truth and what is life. (Proverbs 8:12, John 14:26) Many times I am alarmed by how it violates my sense of what is natural.

We rise by being low.
When I put my own efforts into exalting myself (even in the name of Christ) it is all in vain.

We gain by giving.
Regardless of how many hours I work or how diligent I do it, God is the one who provides for me, and gives me good things.

We live by dying.
My own efforts to problem solve to move forward and find a happier or fuller life are also meaningless. Whole surrender to Christ is the sole life-giving and all satisfying solution.

My prayer is for those of us who are followers of Jesus to remember that the Kingdom of God is our reality. A stunningly beautiful reality where God walks with us.. and he not only walks with us, but walks us through the ugly stuff and even leads us where we should go next.

NO PAYMENT DUE

three glorious words that are nearly synonymous with God is faithful. tuition payment has been a long, frustrating, tear inducing ordeal, but it is finally over. THANK YOU, Jesus. I strongly believe that God was simply waiting for me to be real with the situation and go to my knees in prayer.

Psalm 66:19
But certainly God has heard me;
He has attended to the voice of my prayer.

Praise God :)

Jesus, Your name brings me to my knees. I don't deserve to be happy, but You promise me joy. I don't deserve to be comfortable, but You promise me riches. You're so forgiving, so inspiring, so wonderful. I confess who you are again this morning: Messiah who came and saved the world, Healer of all infirmities, Lover of my soul, Dweller of my heart. Forgive me for entertaining sinful thoughts and losing sight of Your hope, Your hands, and Your love. Reveal to us, Your children, the riches of the kingdom that we have already received: strengths, talents, blessings of financial matters--health--faith--relationships. Thank You for who You are...

I have come to realize that my ability to generate original thought deteriorates when I am not reading for leisurely purposes. Most of the text that I intake otherwise lacks much depth and/or eloquence (or at least the type of "eloquence" that I appreciate or am inspired by). Although I enjoy reading Christian literature and prefer the genre for the most part, I must admit that much of it lacks the craftiness and "eloquence" found in other literature. There are a few exceptions of course such as the ensemble of works by C.S. Lewis and the journals of Jim Elliot. Apart from the two though, I have struggled to find other Christian authors who have married writing as an art and content with great depth and truth. Has anyone else had any success finding such authors?

Franciscan Benediction

"May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in the world so that you can do what others claim cannot be done to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.”

Wishlist v.2

1. Slippers. Having hardwood floors make for dusty feet.

2. Twirl Perfume by Kate Spade. Running low on Daisy fragrance by Marc Jacobs.

3. Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott. Read Bird by Bird and loved it.

4. Eye cream. It's never too early to take care of aging skin. And mine's well past its youthful prime.

5. Body towels. Simply out of necessity.

gorgeous boots.

http://www.threadsence.com/distressed-foldover-lace-up-boots-in-camel-p-2065.html

Sophomore year I was in a voice class where we had to prepare three pieces and perform them in front of each other. One of the pieces I sang was Qui a respexit from Bach's Magnificat. The text comes from the book of Luke and I came across the passage today while I was reading.

Mary's prayer

My soul magnifies the Lord,

And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.

For He has regarded the lowly state of His maidservant;

For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed.

For He who is mighty has done great things for me,

And holy is His name.

And His mercy is on those who fear Him

From generation to generation.

He has shown strength with His arm;

He has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.

He has put down the mighty from their thrones,

And exalted the lowly.

He has filled the hungry with good things,

And the rich He has sent away empty.

He has helped His servant Israel,

In remembrance of His mercy,

As He spoke to our fathers, To Abraham and to his seed forever.

so thankful for the prayers that already exist in the Bible. whether it is Jonah's prayer, Mary's prayer, or the prayers of Jesus... there is always something in Scripture to suit our time of need.

love to all

I refuse to live bound by the things of the past. today is a new day.

woke up this morning already feeling scatterbrained. thought to myself, "oh no, this is going to be a bad day." missed my first class, fell back asleep, woke up again only to be late for my next class, got through it, became extremely discouraged during the third class- I was a mess. burst into tears during my cello lesson. mr. neikrug got up, shuffled over to me, which took 5 minutes (even though he was 2 feet away) and patted my head as I cried on his belly. I think the acknowledgment intensified my crying. felt lame for crying at school. went to the bathroom to clean up and made eye contact with mrs. neikrug (amidst tears that obstructed my view) and felt more embarrassed. two hours managed to pass by and finally classes were over. a dear friend (a rare thing) appeared from what seemed to be out of the blue. he offered to buy me coffee. and in that very act I sensed deeply that God was, and is, still taking care of me.

thank
You.

My broken cisterns never could stay filled

today my father turned 61. wish I could be with him to celebrate. my heart is aching with the very thought. I miss him so much my heart wants to burst. this morning, I tried calling him for the first time in three years (since he left). my heart was pounding so hard. he didn't answer. I gave it a few minutes and called again. no answer. it seems that he has already gone to bed. I want to crawl back into bed too.

new thought. the sad thing about blogs, at least for me, is that I feel it's the only place where my voice is heard. when I do choose to speak to others of my aches, longings and so forth, I find it horribly crushing. there is no comfort, no compassion. I am not moved but grieved. I get this sense that people don't want to engage in other people's suffering because they only choose to deal with their own. what a horror.

Jesus save me from this place. I want more than this. I long for relationships filled with generosity, compassion, thankfulness... drawing from the reservoir of Christ's love. where are the saints? who shall run this race with me?

kate spade

also from another blog

from another blog. forgetting which one,

but it is linked on the side bar.

WISHLIST!

1. http://www.amyclaire.com/home.php?cat=255
2. http://www.amyclaire.com/home.php?cat=255
3. http://www.amyclaire.com/home.php?cat=255
4. http://www.amyclaire.com/home.php?cat=255
5. http://www.amyclaire.com/home.php?cat=255
6. http://www.amyclaire.com/home.php?cat=255
7. http://www.amyclaire.com/home.php?cat=255

such beautiful ensembles...

Sometimes I feel like being in Boston is like an escape from the pain. An anesthetic so to speak. Coming home is like waking up to reality. It is so depressing. My brokenness is all the more apparent here.

When will the pain be gone? Will it ever end in this life? Lord, come quickly. I feel I can bear it no more. I'm growing so, so tired...

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

I wish I could say it is well with my soul.

What can I do but look up to you? I am weary and discouraged, but I'm crying out for you to restore my soul... bring order to the chaos of my mind and my heart. in Jesus' name.

The Weight of Glory was an incredible read. Contents of which have triggered one of the most deeply moving experiences I've had in some time. Onward to the next 'address' as C.S. Lewis calls it (chapter/sermon/book...) Learning in War-Time.

Purchased a tall soy chai from Starbucks today. Curious about whether it has less calories than a croissant. I love croissants. also. I love my boyfriend. 8 months, today :) and I have never been so happy...

hehe.



imparting heaps of blessings
in the name of Jesus.

Amber J.Crew dress

Loving the simplistic design and the color palette. hoping to someday have a midsection that will suit such a piece!

From C.S. Lewis' Weight of Glory

He who has God and everything else has no more than he who has God only. (31)

...I am so humbled by this truth.

To Please God... to be a real ingredient in the divine happiness... to be loved by God, not merely pitied, but delighted in as an artist delights in his work or a father in a son- it seems impossible, a weight or burden of glory which our thoughts can hardly sustain. But so it is. (34)